The Dark Apology
by Maea
Summary: a story based on speculation ( not spoilers) of Cry Your Name
1. The Price To Pay

Title: The Dark Apology By Maea MacDermod

Title: The Dark Apology

Author: Maea MacDermod

Email: maeve_aislinn@yahoo.com; feedback is like a drug to me!  Please, feed the monkey!

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: "Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers." - Erik Pepke  (but just in case… Don't sue me, please!)

Spoilers: So anything including and prior to Heart of Mine is fair game.  

Summary: This story is my thoughts for the episode after Heart of Mine…. I'm an unspoiled Roswellian, so it's all speculation based on next week's preview.

Category:  General

Distribution:  Want it?  Take it… just let me know!

***

"Destiny is but a phrase of the weak human heart - the dark apology for every error. The strong and virtuous admit no destiny."

Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton (1803-73) 

***Top of Form

The scene replayed itself over and over in my head, it's incessant looping of vague details enough to make me lose my sanity - or at least question it.

**

Darkness.

It was night so darkness was really no surprise, but even in the expected shadows, a malevolence greater than night loomed, waiting to attack.

There was a scream, then a shout, followed by silence.  The absolute calm was even more deafening than the panicked yells of the instant before, but soon it was broken by mournful sobs.  In the blink of an eye it was all over.  Seventeen years of life gone, it sustaining blood pooling onto the dirty pavement at a rapid pace, a startled expression on the young man's face.

Max approached a second too late.  Too much time had passed… a lifetime to be exact.  His own silent sobs joined those of his sister's in the grief of their friend's death.

**

And now, here we all are.  On the grass of Grove Cemetery, surrounded by a dozen so other grieving friends and family.  The hardest day of my life.

So much had happened in our lives, it was so difficult to imagine that one of our own was gone - dead.  It was nothing I had ever expected, even in the darkest times.  No, something's wrong… this just isn't right.  

I wasn't there when it happened, but still the scene played on.  This next part I know for certain.

**

Sheriff Valenti tapped lightly on the double glass doors of the closed CrashDown and I glanced up, my breath catching sharply in my throat at his pained expression.  I remember… I remember calling out for Michael and Maria, who were both in the kitchen finishing the monthly inventory.  At the sound of my voice, they came running out to me.  It must have been my tone, but they just seemed to know something was wrong.  It was Michael who finally opened the door for Valenti.

I saw the blood first.  It was light, just a few specks sprayed on the sheriff's jean shirt, barely noticeable, though it seemed my eyes were drawn to the stains.  My legs became weak and I was forced to either kneel down or fall down.  I chose the former and Maria sank to my side on the cold linoleum.  

His voice was shaky, laden with emotion.  "There's been an accident…"  Valenti's sentence trailed off, as if he were trying to find an easy way to tell us the worst.  "Uh… Alex-"

"No - no, no, no!"  The cries came from Maria, but they were being echoed in my own soul.  Not Alex!  He was finally so happy.  How could this happen to one of us?

Michael crossed the room in two swift steps, pulling Maria into his loving arms, knowing nothing he could say would ease the sting of reality.  I stayed on the floor, alone and numb, incapable of  moving or talking.  Somehow, Valenti found the strength to describe what had happened.

It was a Skin… an alien working for Kivar, and more recently Nicholas.  He hid in the shadows of the alley, waiting… waiting for Isabel.  His orders, straight from the boy-leader himself:  If he couldn't have Isabel, then no one could.

As the two teens walked home from the late movie, the skin hid… and when the time was right, he struck from behind.  The weapon was as extraterrestrial as the assassin, designed to drain the life from an alien and now a human-alien hybrid.  Isabel had no chance to react and would have been dead within minutes.  The weapon was not a merciful one… death was a drawn out affair… the pain escalating in intensity until the brain was eventually overloaded.  Alex did not intend to allow that to happen.  Almost in the same instant as the Skin attacked, he pushed the woman of his dreams out of the line of fire, drawing the full of the weapon onto himself.  His frail human genetics was no match for the alien device, and he was dead within the first half-second.  Alex's death cry was the last escape of air from his lifeless body.

He said he tried - Max, that is… he said he drained himself dry trying to repair the damage, but it was too extensive.  And a little piece of me believes him.  But the rest of me is angry - bitter for the loss of my friend.  I can't even bear to look at him as he stands near the open earth watching the casket lower into the ground.  His expression is sad, I imagine.  

The service is finally over… I think it was beautiful.  I'm not sure because the entire time the events which led us here were drowning out the pastor.  Someone, possibly my father, nudges me forward and I toss my single white rose into the hole where Alex's body was laid to rest.  White roses for peace.  I have to hope he finally found peace.

When I pass Max, I hear him whisper my name, but I still can't see him, to look at his face would tear me apart.  He is no longer mine, that is for certain.  I was told of it this morning by Michael and Maria - Tess is pregnant.  Great timing on the news.  I mean, once you hit rock bottom on the emotional roller coaster, it's hard to go any lower.

He calls my name again, this time a bit louder, his voice pleading for me to acknowledge him.  _No!_  I refuse to let him think everything is going to be all right.  Turning from him, I start to move towards my parent's car away from his sad voice.  Movement on the hillside catches my attention, and I'm race off away from everyone to follow the figure in the distance.  I try to quicken my pace but I am slowed by my heeled shoes sinking into the soft ground.

I lost sight of the figure and was just about to write the whole thing off as my mind playing tricks on me, when he appeared again, this time about twenty steps ahead of me.  He looked the same as the last time I saw him, and for the first time in three days, a new scene flashed in my head.  Dancing on my balcony, a sense of sadness surrounding us both the memory of a wedding song running through both of our souls keeping us in perfect harmony.  There he was right in front of me.  The one Max who was truly mine – my husband.

I wanted to run to him... to find solace in his embrace,  but the anger I felt for present Max stopped me short.  He stood motionless, a regal soldier from the future.

It was then I spoke for the first time since finding out Alex's fate.  And I was angry.

"You knew!  You knew this was going to happen,  didn't you!?!"  Rushing forward I began to beat my fists on his chest.  "You bastard!  Alex never asked for this... he never wanted to fight in your war!"

All the emotions, all the tears, all the hate I had been bottling up inside of me bubbled to escape.  Max allowed me my rampage... mostly because he knew I needed it, partly because I think he had no clue of how to stop it.  The fit ran it's course quickly and soon I could barely even stand.  I sank to the dewy grass and sobbed loudly, my throat tight and hoarse.  "You knew.  You could have told me... you should have told me..."  Hiding my hot face in my hands, I could only weep.

Wordlessly, Future Max joined me on the grass.  He tenderly brushed my hands away and lifted my chin so my eyes would meet his.  In that tiny bit of personal contact, I saw another thing he had been hiding from me, other than Alex's death.  A birth.  December 14, 2009.  Claudia Grace Parker-Evans.

"We had a child?"  I asked, tears still streaming down my face.

In his eyes, I saw the shock.  The child was never something he wanted to reveal to me voluntarily.   "Yes," he said simply, echoing the word with a slight nod of his head.  "Our little Gracie... our hope for the future."

"No!  I would have never done that – brought a child into a war zone.  No!"  I said, adamantly refusing to believe what I saw... what I knew to be true… was true.  With one last look at his emotion filled face, I jumped to my feet and stalked away.  

He called out after me.  "Liz, wait!"  I refused to answer.  "Liz!!  I need you to help—"

"Help save the world again, Max?  I think I'll pass on this one," I interrupted, whirling to face him again.  The lost expression on his face made my harsh attitude falter, for a moment, but I upped my resolve not to let him in again.  "Where have you been all this time?  Did you ever disappear or have you been watching me all this time?"

The man shrugged, weariness evident in the small action, "I come and go from this reality… everything you do, every choice you make reacts my existence.  If you choose to wear the olive shirt and not the red one, I – he might feel something for you again, and I reappear.  Usually the feelings pass quick enough that I don't get anywhere, but it happens.  And in the void, I see things.  I see how the present line will play out.  That's why I need your help."

"I'm through, Max… with you… with him… with the whole alien thing.  Let me live my life."  I assumed his silence was a sign that he agreed with my thoughts, so I turned to leave.

His voice broke the stillness of the moment.  "There's something wrong with Tess…"

"Tess?"  My legs were paralyzed, and even though I wanted desperately to, I was unable to move.  "What could be wrong with Tess?  She has everything she's ever wanted… Hell!  She has everything I've ever wanted!  Destiny, Max, a baby on the way…"

Future Max rushed forward, grasping my shoulder and forced me to look at him.  "Tess is pregnant?"

I laughed, a bitter expulsion of air from my lungs,  "Yeah, congrats… you're gonna be a daddy!"

"She's dying, Liz… and you're the only one who can help,"  his chocolaty eyes were intense, pleading.  

At his admission of this truth, I stared at him stunned, not able to believe what he said.  To be told that you are the only chance for a woman who took away everything you ever cared about, how was I supposed to react?  "I – I don't care.  Let her die."

"Liz…"  

"No!  Where was she when Alex took his last breath?  Why didn't she try to help?  If you want her to live… you're just gonna have to go to someone else.  I just can't seem to care anymore!"

***

Walking away from him was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.  Why is it that every day… every action… seems to be increasingly more difficult than the one before?  I rejoined the group of funeral attendees.  Sean DeLuca stepped to my side.  

"Do you want me to take you home, Parker?"

I stared at him, grateful for his presence.  "Yes, please."

Expecting only to see a nod or shake of the head, he was surprised to hear me speak.  Sean gently draped his arm over my shoulder and led me to his old green car.  

We passed present Max, and I was not able to look away.  His eyes, sad, but identical in every way with future Max's, locked with mine.  "Liz?  I'm –"  My eyes closed involuntarily, trying to trap the tears behind my lids, but he spoke on.  "I'm sorry, Liz… I never wanted—"

"No!"  I shouted, startling many around us.  "I don't need your excuses!  _You_ are responsible… Nothing you can say will ever change the way I feel about this."  I dropped my voice to a low growling whisper.  "You let him die."

Sean pulled me away and started us on the way to the car, but I could sense that Max was following.  He grabbed my arm and jerked me from the security and comfort of Sean.  "Listen to me—"  

Max wasn't able to finish whatever it was he wanted to say, because Sean whirled into motion.  Stepping forward between me and my ex-love, the older male swung a punch, and it connected strongly with the alien's face.  "Don't touch her, man," he said, breathlessly, his adrenaline pumping.

With Max still on the ground, we continued our walk to the car, probing eyes and curious faces following our every movement.  I assume Tess or Michael helped Max to his feet, for he rushed after us again.  I heard his voice, full of pain and tears, call out to me.  "If you go… our friendship is over!"

I took one last glance over my shoulder.  There he was, the love my life, with Tess close behind.  In fact, all my friends were there, behind him.  And it was over… I chose to live my own life and move on.  Settling into the passenger seat of Sean's car, I closed my eyes and welcomed the changes in the universe.  Finally, I would create my own destiny, just like he always said I could.

**I'm thinking of continuing this, so feedback would definitely help my decision along!**


	2. The Right To Ask

part 2

Title: The Dark Apology

Author: Maea MacDermod

Email: maeve_aislinn@yahoo.com; feedback is like a drug to me! Please, feed the monkey!

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: "Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers." - Erik Pepke (but just in case… Don't sue me, please!)

Spoilers: So anything including and prior to Heart of Mine is fair game. 

Summary: This story is my thoughts for the episode after Heart of Mine…. I'm an unspoiled Roswellian, so it's all speculation based on next week's preview.

Category: General

Distribution: Want it? Take it… just let me know!

***

"Destiny is but a phrase of the weak human heart - the dark apology for every error. The strong and virtuous admit no destiny."

Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton (1803-73) 

***

The phone rang again, the fourth time since Sean had brought me home from Alex's funeral.And for the fourth time, my answering machine picked it up instead of me.

"Liz… it's Maria again.Mr. Whitman is asking about you.Pick up the phone, Liz!I know you're there… Sean told me he dropped you off a half hour ago.LIZ!Please answer… we're all worried about you..."

A few more moments of recorded silence passed, then Maria finally gave up, sighed loudly and hung up the phone.

I stirred in my bed, flipping to stare out the window, and was shocked to see Future Max sitting on my balcony.He looked up when I climbed through the makeshift doorway.

"I thought I made myself quite clear when I told you to go away."

"I can't go away, Liz.We have to fix what's wrong here."

My anger was evident."How dare you?How dare you assume that just because you're you, I'll do whatever you want.I'm done, Max."

I started to crawl back into my room, but he grabbed my foot."You can't quit."

"Let go!" I said through clenched teeth.I stepped back out onto the balcony, challenging him."Why?Why do you care so much?When this is all over, you're just going to disappear again.You won't have to live with the consequences of what happens!"

Max looked down."That's not true.Since we changed the future last, I'm not connected to him anymore.When he changes, I don't."

I sat down onto my lawn chair, trying to wrap my mind around what he was telling me."What do you mean?"

"I mean, that if this timeline is allowed to continue, the world will end.And that Max Evans will not be the only one there to watch the fall.I'll be by his side.I'm not linked to him anymore… I'm linked to you."

"Goody," I muttered mockingly under my breath."So you're here for your own selfish survival?How noble."

He ignored my biting tone."If Tess dies, all the things you did in November won't matter.The sacrifices you made… the pain you felt… it would have all been done for nothing."

I contemplated a moment, and then stood again to go inside."I told you to try your sob story on someone else.I'm done."For a split second I thought he might try to stop me for a second time, but he didn't.I closed the window firmly once I was on the other side, and slid the curtains to block his view.I felt better having said that.

***

Maria was tired of crying… that much was obvious by just looking at the girl.She felt as if she couldn't remember what happiness was like.After the funeral, she simply sat in her kitchen sorting through a bunch of pictures of her and Alex.The idea for the yearbook memorial flooded into her head during the service.A bold knock at the door disturbed her organizing.

She crossed the small room, opening the door, and noticed Max standing there wearing jeans and a tee-shirt, his head covered with a baseball hat.

Maria started back to the table, calling over her shoulder, "Come on in, Max.I'm in the middle of something."

"Maria?" he spoke hesitantly.

"Yeah?"She finally looked at him closely.He wasn't the same."Max?"

He removed the hat, and his long, dark hair fell past his shoulders."I'm not who you think I am."

"I see that," Maria answered, her voice full of contained surprise."Liz's Future Max, I'm guessing…"

Future Max didn't know what kind of reaction his arrival would gather from the blonde, but calm recognition wasn't one of them."I need to talk to you… I need your help…" he turned a chair around and sat at the table, laying out the details of the current world crisis as succinctly as possible.

***

I knew that sooner or later I was going to have to go back to work, but today wasn't that day.It was only two days after Alex's funeral and I couldn't think of trivial matters like school and work.Hell, I'm barely able to think about eating, or breathing.Sean came by earlier today and forced me to eat something from the café, or else I'm sure that wouldn't have happened.

A light knock on my bedroom door startled me.Not really a new thing… I've been extremely jumpy lately.And did I mention I was ignoring all my friends?Sean is the only one I've spoken to since the funeral.The knocking continued, this time a bit louder.My parents knew that I would not come out of my room, and Sean would just climb into the window, so I continued to disregard my unwanted visitor.It wasn't until I heard his voice that I realized Max opened the locked door.

"You know you can't avoid us all forever."

I stood, and marched over to him intending on slamming the door in his face. "Try me, Max."

He stepped forward, stopping me from hitting him."Your mom let me in.We have to talk, Liz."

"See that's where you're wrong.I don't have to do anything…"

Max ignored my commentary, continuing on as if I said nothing at all."Maria came to see me the other day."He was staring at the floor, like he couldn't meet my eyes.As much as I told myself that I didn't care, I wanted to know what he had to say."She told me that Tess is sick.She said that Tess is dying."

His voice sounded so somber and sad, I felt the need to speak… "I—", but he cut me off, breaking his gaze from my beige carpet to meet my eyes.

"She said that you could save her."

I held his intense stare for a beat, thinking about what to do, then turned from him."Maria doesn't know what she's talking about," I said, my voice full of annoyance."It's time for you to go."I began to usher him to the door, but then his hand shot out and grabbed me roughly.I felt a flash of fear shoot straight to my heart as I was forced to face him again.

"You're lying to me, Liz.I didn't believe Maria at first… I didn't believe her until Tess got sick this morning… and she's not getting better."

"What do you want me to do about it, Max?!"My voice rising in pitch."You're the alien, not me… deal with your own people… I've got enough on my mind right at this point.Now, PLEASE let go of me," I said the last part through clenched teeth.

My arm was dropped immediately."She won't tell me why or how she knows, but if Maria is right, Tess will die.Can you let that happen?"

I threw my arms up in frustration."Heal her, then!That's what you do, isn't it?Heal everyone but Alex?"

His fury increased."So we're back to this?Do you think I wanted him to die, Liz?He *was* my friend too, you know."

"You let him die, Max!"We were shouting at each other now, all sense of civility was gone.

Max's demeanor turned venomous, peaking at a level I have never seen before."Aren't you the one who reminded me that I'm not God?I CAN'T HEAL THE DEAD!"

"Well, neither can I!"

The change in his face… his body… his whole being was sudden and shocking.It was much like the time he sobered up at the blind date concert.I don't know what was more terrifying – Max's anger or his defeated resignation.Shoulders slumped, he started to exit my room.It was exactly what I wanted him to do, but I couldn't stop myself from calling out to him.

"Do you love her, Max?"I don't know why I asked.I'm pretty sure I didn't even want to know, but I did ask and he turned back to me. 

"What gives you the right to ask that?"

"As the last person you said it to before Tess, I think I have every right.It shouldn't be a hard question… she *is* having your baby."

"Is that what this is all about?Me and Tess?" he asked, his voice even and calm, but overcome with weariness."This thing with her is weird… confusing… and so different from anything I've ever known.But the most confusing thing is you.All you've ever done since we got that message from my mother is push me away and towards Tess.Now that I'm with her, you resent us…How much crap is that?"

"Gee, Max – when you kept saying that you wanted to 'screw destiny', I didn't realize that you meant it so literally."The moment I said my last words, I immediately regretted it… mostly because I feared it would ignite his temper again.But the boy in front of me remained calm.

"Tell me, Liz.Tell me that your refusal to help isn't about me and Tess and what happened.Tell me the truth – You're not willing to let her die as some sort of payback, are you?"

I couldn't answer – my mouth was frozen shut as my mind reeled.Was that my reason?Was I refusing to even listen to Future Max because I hated the way my life was going?

It was evident Max didn't know how to read my silence.Against my better judgment, I met his sorrow-filled eyes… eyes that were haunted with the new responsibilities being forced onto him.

Fresh frustration surged into him."I can't tell what you're thinking.I don't even know you anymore, Liz."

"Maybe the problem is that you never really knew me in the first place."

He hesitated, and I squeezed my eyelids shut trying to stop the tears from falling."Maybe."

Focusing on the darkness, I sighed as a tear escaped down my hot cheek."Don't come back, Max."When silence met my words, I snapped my eyes open.The room was empty… I was alone.

**


	3. Bearing the Weight of the World

part 3

Title: The Dark Apology

Author: Maea MacDermod

Email: maeve_aislinn@yahoo.com; feedback is like a drug to me! Please, feed the monkey!

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: "Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers." - Erik Pepke (but just in case… Don't sue me, please!)

Spoilers: So anything including and prior to Heart of Mine is fair game. 

Summary: This story is my thoughts for the episode after Heart of Mine…. I'm an unspoiled Roswellian, so it's all speculation based on CYN's preview.

Category: General… hitting on the angsty side

Distribution: Want it? Take it… just let me know!

***

"Destiny is but a phrase of the weak human heart - the dark apology for every error. The strong and virtuous admit no destiny."

Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton (1803-73) 

***

Twenty minutes later, I found myself on the DeLuca's front door stoop.In the million times I'd been there in my life, I can't say that I had ever really been as mad at Maria as I was right then.I needed information from my 'best' friend so that I could get the answers I needed from the future version of my ex.How confusing is that?

She wasn't surprised to see me."Is he right?Can *you*save her?"

I wanted to scream… I was so tired of being asked that."You're supposed to be my best friend, Maria."

"I AM!I went to him for you!You… you're Liz Parker – perfect in everyway.I hate that about you sometimes, but if you let Tess die… if Tess dies because you couldn't get over yourself and help her… you might as well die too!"Her tone was full of anguish, a river of tears cascading down her features, blurring makeup."You won't be Liz Parker anymore… and you won't be my friend."

Wanting to get out of the public area I was standing in, I pushed past Maria and into her house, settling onto her worn couch.

"I keep thinking about Alex and Las Vegas."

Maria was visibly thrown off balance by the subject change.She wiped away the fresh tears, and in the process successfully smeared her eyeliner."Yeah, he had a great time…"

"No… not that Vegas.When Future Max first came to me, he told me all about our wedding…"

"I know, you told me… you guys eloped to Vegas and tied the knot surrounded by Elvi.So?"

"To celebrate, you guys met us on our way back to Roswell.Everyone:You, Michael, Isabel *and* Alex.In that future, Alex lived.He was at my reception."I noted the shocked expression on her face."He didn't mention that, did he?"I asked, a tinge of scorn carrying a heavier weight to my words.

She took a moment to absorb the information I just hurdled at her."Liz, we all died when the aliens came.Everyone."

"I can't think of it that way.My friend is gone… Tess's life for his doesn't seem like a fair trade."

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

"Don't be… I'm not."I paused."Where is he?"

Maria sank into the couch next to me."Why?So you can go yell at him too?This is his purpose now, Liz.He has to save the world – save the future."

I exhaled sharply."Every time I turn around I have someone… something… pushing the weight of the world on my shoulders.I'm seventeen, Maria!Do you even realize how hard this is for me?I had to give up everything!Everything… and now you say that if I don't try to save the world again, I'll be dead to you?Maybe I already am… have you thought of that?" 

She placed her hand over mine."I've already lost one of my best friends.Please don't make me lose another."

"I need to find him.I have to tell him not to come back, to leave me alone.I have to… can you help me?" there was desperation in my voice and I hoped that she would feel how I was feeling.I so wanted this to all go away.

Shaking her head, I watched as her blonde tendrils of hair cascaded over her shoulders, though I noted a hint of uncertainty in her action.

"Maria?"

My friend sighed, mentally fighting with herself over the decision to share her information."He has no where to go, Liz – he can't leave…"

"Please!" I urged, leaning forward.

"He… he pulled some things from his pocket when he was here… I saw a motel key – uh, Tumbleweed Inn, I think.I don't know which room…"

I jumped up for the door."Thank you, Maria!"I called out over my shoulder.I was halfway down the front walk when she reached the still open exit, and barely heard her last words.

"Be easy on him, Liz!"

**

Future Max was not as expecting as Maria.In fact, he was outright surprised.He stood in the partially opened doorway of the motel room, blocking my entrance.

"I should have known you'd find me."

Getting down to business, I spoke."Don't pull her into this, Max.Maria, me… the Valenti's… we're all out of this, okay?Stay away from us."

"You didn't leave me choices,,, I need help.I need *your* help, and I'll do whatever I can to get it.There's more at risk than you know."

"Find other options!" my voice raised in volume."Humans are off limits now… got it?"He tried to shush me, but I knocked his hand away."What?Afraid the Feds are listening?Or you don't want your neighbors to know all about you?"I threw my hands up in desperation."Trust me!They don't want to know your secret… It'll just ruin their lives, too!"

Max stepped forward, in a move I presumed was meant to quiet me, so I put my hand on his chest to block him.He immediately jumped back as if my touch burned, but in that short contact, the single flash I saw explained his motivations.I barreled past him into the cool air of the room, and he was too stunned to obstruct my entrance.The knowledge of what I saw paralyzed him.

Inside the room was a mirror image of the vision I just experienced.On the gaudy flower bedspread laid a child curled into a fetal position, her arm draped over a worn purple teddy bear.A child – no, wait… my child.The flash from Alex's funeral replayed.Claudia Grace… Gracie, he called her.Gracie Evans.

As I felt Max's hand on my back, the slight pressure of his touch blocked out my ability to see the room any longer, and the future played out in the darkness of my head.

**_FLASH_**_:_

_ _

Future Max and Future Liz were running almost blindly through the thick desert underbrush to the Pod Chamber, the resting place of the Granolith.Their purpose was urgent, and when he reached the entrance first, Max turned to implore his wife to move faster.As she reached his side, Liz looked out to the distance and to the faint outline of the old military base they had called their home for so many years.The alien craft hovered just out of range of the bases defenses – not that there were many defenders still alive in the burning building – sending destructive blows into the main compound.So many people were dying… people who were the last hope for a resistance against the Skins… people like Michael and Maria, who died together just minutes before.Now that rebellion force was reduced to the Royal Pair on the cliff.King Max and his human queen.

_ _

_Even in the pressure of the situation, Max took the time to stroke his wife's face, trying to comfort her."Serena knows… she'll take care of her."_

_ _

_A final blast shook the complex."Do you think they made it out?"_

_ _

_"I don't know," Max's dirty, worn face was full of honesty, "but I can hope.And if this works, it won't matter."_

_ _

_The Skin attack vessel broke off, their new course set to pursue the escaping couple."It won't matter because she won't exist…"_

_ _

_He pulled her close, waving his hand over the key in the cliff side.The silver handprint appeared, but he paused to kiss Liz passionately."She'll always exist in us.All eternity, Liz."_

_ _

_A rock exploded just below them causing their hearts to beat even more wildly than before."All eternity, Max."_

_ _

_The young king slammed his palm into the rough rock, the entryway sliding open with a grinding swoosh.They rushed in, the last two with the ability to save the world._

**_ _**

**_END FLASH_**

The scene faded to black, and then eventually my view of room twelve in the Tumbleweed Inn returned.Gracie lay perfectly still on the king sized bed, her peaceful sleep echoed in her rhythmic breathing.

Max stepped to my side, both of our eyes transfixed on the cherubic form; Grace's chestnut hair splayed out almost perfectly over the motel pillow.

"I don't know how… or why, but when I materialized out of the void this time she was by my side.Her memories of the fall are minimal."

I fought to find my voice, and when I did, spoke in a whisper."Why?Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to, but I was afraid… to tell you too much."I could read his eyes better than a book.He was holding something back.Taking his hand, I led him over to a table set away from the bed.I didn't have to prompt him any further."You're right… before, you know.I was being selfish.I wanted you to do this for the wrong reasons... I wanted you to do this for me – because *I* asked you… because you love me.I'm sorry…"

"What makes –" I began, but my query was cut off by a small musical voice.

"Momma?"

We both looked over to see the sleepy five-year-old form of my future daughter standing a few feet away, clad in footed pajamas.My gaze shot to Max for help, and he nodded somberly.

"Yeah, sweetie…" I opened my arms to the precious little girl, blinking back the tears swelling in my eyes.Both Gracie and her teddy climbed onto my lap and settled to resume her nap.

"I like your hair long, Momma," she commented softly, running her tiny fingers over the ends.I felt a slight tingle from were she touched me.As she closed her dark brown eyes and snuggled in to sleep, we heard her speak again."See, daddy… I told you she would find us."

Max smiled at us both. "Yes, you did, Princess… you sure did."

We sat in silence until I was certain our daughter was asleep again."She knew?"

Nodding, Max leaned close and smoothed Gracie's hair."Part of her powers.Prophetic dreams… she can also heal and sometimes mindwarp and dreamwalk."He spoke with fatherly pride."So smart Gracie…" he said tenderly, then turned to me."She's gifted, Liz… more powerful than any of us ever thought imaginable."

"Our hope for the future," I recalled, and then remembered my question from earlier."What even makes you think that I can heal Tess, especially if you – the younger you – can't."

He stood, peeling off his cheesy tourist tee shirt I assumed he must have bought on Main Street.I stared on intently but saw nothing than unbroken skin.The alien moved over to where I was sitting, taking my hand into his, and guided it over his muscled abs.A faint glow formed under our hands and soon a small handprint identical to the one he left on me so long ago appeared.Wait, no… it wasn't identical… this one was smaller.He lined my hand up with the shimmering mark; they matched.

"You healed me, Liz… I was dying and you saved me."

I was mesmerized by the print.Tracing the edges with my fingers, I observed as the glow intensified."But Max… I was your wife…"

"After that day, you had the ability to heal others… you became our doctor on the base.I know you can do this.I know it with everything I am."

Dropping my hand back to my side, I studied the little girl that fit perfectly in my lap.This was something that was meant to be… she was something that was meant to be… but changing the future will take it all away from me.'How could I let this go away,' my heart cried out… she's so right… 

Max settled back into the dinette chair, studying us both intently.I got the feeling from his gentle gaze that he was accustomed to watching me hold our daughter.Gracie shifted and a stray lock of hair fell into her eyes.I gingerly brushed it away, though when my fingertip made contact with the skin on her forehead, a series of flashes overtook me.

**_FLASH_**_:In the middle of labor, Max at my side._

_ _

**_FLASH_**_:Holding my precious child for the first time._

_ _

**_FLASH_**_:Watching her take her first wobbly steps._

_ _

**_FLASH_**_:Max teaching her to ride a bike, and me having to heal her scrapes when she fell._

_ _

**_FLASH_**_:Kissing her dirty face for the last time, leaving her with Serena, and being pulled away by Max… the pain of that moment filled my heart, but the happiness of the others pushed it away._

My vision cleared and the current appearance of Claudia Grace Parker-Evans filled my sight.I finally raised my gaze and met Future Max's eyes.

"Tell me what I have to do."

**


	4. What Needs To Be Done

part 4

Title: The Dark Apology

Author: Maea MacDermod

Email: maeve_aislinn@yahoo.com; feedback is like a drug to me! Please, feed the monkey!

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: "Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers." - Erik Pepke (but just in case… Don't sue me, please!)

Spoilers: So anything including and prior to Heart of Mine is fair game. 

Summary: This story is my thoughts for the episode after Heart of Mine…. I'm an unspoiled Roswellian, so it's all speculation based on CYN's preview.

Category: General

Distribution: Want it? Take it… just let me know!

***

"Destiny is but a phrase of the weak human heart - the dark apology for every error. The strong and virtuous admit no destiny."

Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton (1803-73) 

***

I found out from Maria that they were keeping Tess at Michael's apartment, so after I left the motel I went straight there.Isabel answered the door, her appearance rough and ragged… and very surprised.I'm sure I was the last person she ever expected.

"Liz?!" she questioned, stepping to the side to allow me in.

"Maria's on her way with some food from the CrashDown for you guys," I said matter-of-factly.I looked around the living room, meeting the stares of the other stunned people there.It was a full house… Michael, Isabel and the Valenti's – both Kyle and the Sheriff – were all huddled in the main room, and I assumed that Max and Tess were hidden off in the small bedroom.

Almost as if to validate my assumption, Max exited the blocked off room to my left, rubbing his temples.He did not notice my arrival right away. 

"Maria, did you bring the ice?Her fever's spiking again."The stillness of the room was loaded in tension.Everyone waited to see what he would do when he saw me, most of all me.

Isabel shattered the silence."Max…"

He looked up and met my eyes instantly.I winced slightly at the cold pain and fatigue that I saw in his soul, but would not break away.There was a bitter tone to his voice when he spoke."What are you doing here?"

'I'm here to save the world, again…' the smart-ass part of me wanted to scream at him.For an unknown reason, my legs trembled and I willed them to stop… I was not going to falter… I was going to finish this once and for all… mostly so that I could be free and move on.

"I – I don't know what I can do, Max… but I want to try.What Maria told you could be true, and I can't live with myself if I don't at least attempt to help…"

For a moment, I thought he might reject my offer for help, but we both heard a slight moan emanating from the bedroom.Tess was in a lot of pain, and he would do anything to stop it.That's what I read in his overburdened stare… more than anything, he just wanted to protect one of his people.

Max shifted on his feet, leading the way for me into Michael's bedroom, but I was in no way prepared for the sight that met me when I stepped through the curtained doorway… the sight of Tess.A jolt of fear coursed through my entire body, so strongly I know that Max felt it too.He looked at me strangely.

"Can you do this or not?"

I swallowed the knot in my throat and nodded, moving over to kneel by the ill alien's side.Her skin was mottled, the tone patchy and uneven… her lips so pale they were almost white.Just being near her, I could feel the heat of her fever.It was shocking how rapidly her condition has worsened since I last saw her… at Alex's funeral.I pushed that thought from my head, and leaned into the soft mattress.With the gentle motion on the bed, Tess stirred, opening her eyes.Eyes that were normally a cool blue were now faded into a mottled gray, the whites now overtaking the colored parts with a thick cataract of yellow.I was reminded of when Michael was sick. 

I felt Max's presence near, and he spoke softly as if he was reading my mind."We tried to take her to the pod chamber and use the healing stones, but they didn't work.This isn't the same as what Michael had… it's worse."

Without replying, I reached down and wrung out the washcloth that was in the basin near me.I gently brushed the hair from Tess's face, much like I did my own child's earlier, the alien smiling faintly as I laid the cool cloth on her forehead. 

Her voice was ragged… parched, as if she had spent many days in the desert with no water.I bowed close so that I could hear her words."Thank you… for… trying…"

I was not going to allow myself to cry."I'm not doing this for you," I said.

"Then… I'm sure… he tha – thanks you…"

"I'm not doing this for him, either."

Even in her sickness, I could see the bewilderment in her facial expression."Who… then?" 

'Should I tell her?'I wondered silently.Tell her that I'm doing this for a child that will probably no longer exist once the deed is done… for a future that seemingly will die if I have one moment of happiness?

"I'm doing this for me, Tess.For me… because this is what needs to be done."

She nodded, understanding even the things that were unspoken between us.Tess's breathing worsened by the second, and I felt there was no time to spare.I reached out and 'scanned' her trembling body with my hands, palms down towards her.Future Max told me that I would be able to 'feel' the cause of the illness within her this way, but he could not put the feeling I would receive into words.I hoped it would be strong enough to tell a human where to heal an alien.Hope was all I had.

I started my scan on the outer limbs of her body, the arms and the legs and then centered in on her head and chest.So far, nothing.I could almost hear Future Max's voice in my head, telling me not to be discouraged.Taking a deep breath, I moved down further in her torso, but present Max's proximity made me stop.

"I can't do this with you breathing down my neck, Max," I said, craning my head around to look at him."Either step back and give me some room, or leave…"

He matched my intense stare with one of his own, and it was obvious I was not going to back down first, so he submitted."I'm not leaving," Max crossed his arms over his chest with an expression of determination on his face, and took three big steps back, leaning against the wall.That was good enough for me.

Tess choked, "He… means… well…"

I shushed her, getting back to work.If nothing jumped out at me in this next scan, I wasn't sure what to do.My mind and my heart agreed that I would give it another pass if that were the case.Other than that, there was nothing I could do.

Starting again at the same place I left off, I allowed my mind to blank as my hands hovered over her.It wasn't until several seconds later that I realized her breathing pattern had begun to match mine… when I inhaled and exhaled, so did she.If nothing else, I would stay here and make her last hours or whatever more comfortable for as long as I could.As I neared her stomach, I could feel more warmth emanate from the area, but once I passed my hand over her abdomen, the heat spiked and I almost felt the need to jerk my hand away.This must be it… the source of the illness.For good measure, I started at her head again and slowly moved back down her body.The result was the same, searing fire pouring from the area.

I stared into Tess's eyes, now completely clouded."Can you hear me?"Her only response was incoherent mumbling."Tess… I think I found it," I whispered, trying not to let Max hear me."Hang in there."

Following the instructions of my 'would-be' husband, I placed one hand on the hotspot and the other on Tess's sweat slicked forehead.For the second time that day, my body trembled… but this time I knew the cause.I was afraid… I was so afraid of what might happen if I failed, and at the same time I was terrified at what will happen if this is successful.Everything that made me happy – that made me *me* – in the future will be gone.

I refused to think of that anymore.I was here for a purpose and it will be served.Again, I blanked my mind and focused on the task.Within seconds the flashes of Tess's life began.I expected to see the memories, but I never knew the intensity in which I would feel them.

In fact, we all felt them.As the first flash began, a charged light built up beneath my palms and within seconds it grew too large to contain.I pushed harder onto Tess's body, causing the light to expand from our central location, through the room around us, and eventually into the rest of the apartment.I could not tear my concentration from my task, but I heard a thud as Max was thrown against the bedroom wall.For a moment, a gusty wind tore through the room, but after a short while that calmed and I was left with the visions of the ill alien.

**_FLASH_**_:Breaking through the membranes of the Pod and taking the first breaths of the Earth's atmosphere._

_ _

**_FLASH_**_:The loneliness she felt as she realized that the other pods were empty, and the fear of seeing Nasedo for the first time._

_ _

**_FLASH_**_:Moving from place to place, trying to stay one step ahead of the FBI._

_ _

**_FLASH_**_:Tess's first sight of Max and Liz together on the Quad._

The flashes started out slow and pronounced, each one a separate event in itself, but as they continued, the speed increased… the flashes merging with one another.Only a few events stuck in mind.The first mindwarp with Max, saving him from Eagle Rock, the death of Nasedo, being in New York, Lonnie and Rath in the sewers, hanging with Kyle and the Sheriff, almost kissing Kyle, prom night, Tess's first time with Max… I had to stop myself from pulling away at that last blurred vision.The intensity of the feelings, the sensation as Max made love to the blonde… it was very hard for me.I held on and eventually the flashes stopped.

My heart was thundering in my chest, and my lungs felt as if they would explode.I pulled away from Tess's body, gasping for air, as she did the same.Pushing myself to my shaky legs, I turned to see the whole group standing behind me in the small room.They stared at the two of us in amazement.

I allowed my eyes to meet Max's.He seemed to be safe and sound from his toss earlier; the only injury I could see was a swelling bruise over his right eye, from where he hit the corner of a chest of drawers.

He stepped forward towards me, and then reached out to smooth my wind blown hair.From the corner of my eye, I could see the wildness of it in a wall mirror."Are you okay?" Max asked, his expression a mixture of concern and astonishment.

"I'll live," I said simply, stepping to the side."And so will she."

The group focused onto Tess's tiny form lying in the bed.Already her appearance was improving, the color coming back to her face, her eyes returning to their normal blue.Max knelt by her side, but spoke to me."The baby?"

"He's fine."

The Alien King stood again."He?It's a boy?"I nodded.In his eyes, I saw a hint of… disappointment?"I thought… I was almost certain it was a girl…" he said softly, so low that only I could hear."There were dreams… of a dark-haired daughter… Gracie…"

Upon hearing this, I turned to leave the room.I couldn't bear it any longer.Maria stood at the door, blocking my way.

"Let me and Michael take you home, Liz… you're exhausted."

I brushed her away."I'm fine.I have my dad's car…"

Just as I reached the front door, Max's voice called out to stop me."Liz… can I call you?I want to—"

I didn't care what he wanted."No.I'm done, Max.Everything that I've ever owed you… or anything that you think I might have owed you for… Basically, all debts are paid.Don't come near me anymore.Please."I opened the door, stepped through and then firmly shut it behind me, with a resolve I did not feel.And that's when the tears started.

***


	5. Cosmic Mistakes

part 5

Title: The Dark Apology

Author: Maea MacDermod

Email: maeve_aislinn@yahoo.com; feedback is like a drug to me! Please, feed the monkey!

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: "Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers." - Erik Pepke (but just in case… Don't sue me, please!)

Spoilers: So anything including and prior to Heart of Mine is fair game. 

Summary: This story is my thoughts for the episode after Heart of Mine…. I'm an unspoiled Roswellian, so it's all speculation based on CYN's preview.

Category: General

Distribution: Want it? Take it… just let me know!

***

"Destiny is but a phrase of the weak human heart - the dark apology for every error. The strong and virtuous admit no destiny."

Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton (1803-73)

***

By the time I reached my room, I had pretty much gotten my sobbing under control, but I knew my eyes must have been bloodshot which I'm sure matched my splotchy cheeks perfectly.How did I know this?It was a dead giveaway with the welcome Sean gave me when I entered.

Sean stood from the bed, not even bothering to explain why he was in my room."What's wrong?What happened?" he asked, full of concern.In this past week, I have been privy to a softer side of Sean DeLuca... a side I was beginning to like.

I tried to smile as he stroked my cheek, "Nothing.Everything's fine."

He tilted my chin up and softly met his lips to mine."I'm getting a Max vibe from you."

"Not everything in my life that upsets me is about Max Evans, Sean." I said, my voice mopey at the mention of the alien's name.

"All I'm saying is that I don't trust the guy… that whole hostage thing in the UFO Center… that was extremely shady.And I know shady, Liz.Aunt Amy doesn't remember a thing…"

"Sean!I thought we agreed not to talk about that anymore.Okay?I just had a tough day… actually, I'm having quite a tough life.Just let it go."

Sean pulled me into his gentle arms and hugged me tight to his chest."I'm sorry."As he started to lean down to kiss me, a voice broke into the silence of the room.

"Am I interrupting?" Our attention shot over to the window, where Maria was half inside and half out."I need to talk to you, Liz…" she glanced at her cousin, "… alone."

I crossed my arms over my chest."He doesn't have to go…" But Sean bent down to pick up his jacket."You don't have to go!"

"Actually I should.It's my night to cook dinner.M… are you coming home?I need to know whether to open two or three cans of Spaghetti-O's."

Maria rolled her eyes."Whatever, just go."

He left through the window she just vacated."He didn't have to go, Maria."

"Listen, Liz… it's Max and Tess—"

"Are they okay?Did it not work?" a hundred thousand scenarios flooded my head, and the room began to spin.

"Whoa!Calm down!They're fine… but I think there's something you should know.Max is planning on coming to see you.I just thought you would like some fair warning."

"Why?I told him to leave me alone."

"That's just it… I don't know why!After you left, he bent down to kiss Tess, they both got these weird expressions on their faces and then he asked for privacy.None of us know what happened, but Michael called me to tell me Max mentioned coming to see you.I think there was something weird about Tess's illness.Michael and Isabel said they felt something strange after you healed her… like something was missing."

I narrowed my eyes."What do you mean?"

"They mentioned a pressure in their heads that had been present for the past couple weeks.I don't know what it is, or was, but they're thinking it was something alien.Liz… I think Max wants to get back together with you…"

"NO WAY!Nuh-uh!I want him out of my life!I want to have a life again… preferably with someone who can't use the 'It Must Be Something Alien' excuse."

"Someone like my loser cousin?" she said, her tone snappy.

"Maybe… Sean is a good guy, Maria.He's been here for me, when I needed him most.Max hasn't.I need—"

"You need so much more than what he has to offer, Liz!Trust me, I'm your best friend.You need someone who is an equal to you… someone smart… someone who is capable of loving you the way Max does… You need—"

"Normal!I need normal!Please.That's all I want."

A light knock on the door caused us both to look over and my heart to race."Come in?" I answered.

My dad pushed the door open."Lizzie… Oh, hey, Maria!"

"Hi, Mr. Parker."

"Liz, Suzie called in sick today… do you think you're up to working her shift?I really need you."

His worried eyes searched my tired ones, for any sign of resistance.I was too drained to offer it."Sure, dad.Let me change and I'll be right down."

I watched as a grin stretched on my father from ear to ear.I could almost see that for the first time since Alex's death, he knew that I was going to make it through this.I wish I could be as confident as he."Take your time, sweetie... there's no customers right now."He turned and exited my room and I looked back to Maria. 

"You need to find him and tell him that I want nothing else to do with him, Maria."

"NO!I can't do that!"

I just wanted this to be over… "You came here to tell me he's coming… now all I want is for you to go tell him not to bother."

A flicker of resignation crossed over her face, but only for a split second."No… Let him come, Liz.Let him say what he needs to say, then let it go.I'm done dealing with this."Maria climbed out the same window her cousin did moments earlier."Hear him out… it might just change your mind."

**

Walking down the stairs in full uniform seemed wrong… like life going on was just wrong.I noticed my dad gathering his stuff to leave the café.

"Lizzie!Hey, your mom's car broke down outside of Hondo, so I have to go pick her up.Are you going to be okay, alone?"

Actually, aloneness sounded blissful."I'll be fine, dad."

"Great!Uh, Bethany and Erin are coming in to back you up, and Michael is running the kitchen until Jose gets here.No customers so far, so if you could sweep the pavement in front of the door, I'd love it."He paused, "I'm not overloading you on your first day back, am I?"

"Daaad!Just go!You know how mom gets when you keep her waiting.I've handled this place a thousand times."

With one last worried glance at me, he finally jogged to the exit and left.Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the broom and made my way towards the dining room.The breath caught in my throat as I walked through the door and was confronted by Max. 

"I need to talk to you, Liz," he said, his eyes imploring for an understanding I couldn't offer.

"I said all I had to say, and I've listened to enough.Please just leave me alone."

Max stepped closer, and I was afraid that he might try to connect with me, so I jumped back."I'm not going to hurt you!I would never try to hurt you!"

Fresh tears stung my eyes, "Too late…"

He continued on, "There are things that have happened recently… and both Tess and I think something is wrong… or was wrong or whatever.We feel like we just woke up… and with that, we have different feelings than we did before.Actually, we have the same feelings that we did before Prom, Liz.I want you to know this.I love you…"

I clasped my hands over my ears, not waiting to hear anything else."NO!NO, no, no, no, no!Stop it!We can't go back, Max.We can't go back because when I look at you..." I wiped away a tear that threatened to streak down my cheek... "When I look at you all I can see is Alex's blood on your hands."

He tore his gaze away from mine and focused on his hands."Liz…" Max began his apologies.

"NO!No, please… just understand – for once, just understand.You coming here and telling me that this has all been some sort of cosmic mistake is not going to make things better.Saying you love me is not going to set things right.Alex is dead!And nothing you say can ever bring my friend back to me."

I sharply pulled away, and ran bleary-eyed through the kitchen door, desperate for the solitude of my room.I stopped in my tracks, surprised to see Isabel blocking my path to the stairs.We stared at each other wordlessly for a moment, and then a single tear fell from her eyes.She shattered the uneasy silence between us, as if she dropped a glass to the ground.

"Don't blame him, Liz.Don't blame Max."

I'm uncertain as to why, but her words opened the dam of tears again and the uncontrolled sobbing that has been my life resumed.

Isabel talked over my whimpers."If you need to place blame, go ahead.Right here…" she opened her arms wide, welcoming any emotion I was willing to hurdle at her.My cries continued on, as did her monologue."He was there because of me, Liz.Me, not Max or Tess or anyone else.Me."

My voice cracked."He was so happy with you."

"I was happy with him.All I have to give me comfort is that he died well."

"Alex is gone!Who cares if he died well?Dead is dead!"

"He died as he lived… protecting what he loved.That was important to him and it should be to you.But what I really meant was… the assassin was there because of me.He came to kill me – Alex was an accident.So if you need someone to blame, blame me."

"I can't blame you, Isabel.You loved him.Max should have saved him."

She sighed, "I couldn't save him either!That weapon was pure agony, Liz.Alex knocked me out of the way to stop that… After he died –" her voice faltered."I incinerated the Skin.He was dead and gone before Alex even hit the pavement.Vengeance…"

"If that's what you needed…"

"Killing him drained me!If I would have just let him go, I may have been able to save Alex.I let him down."Isabel's cool demeanor crumbled."If you don't want to blame me, that's fine… cause I blame myself!I let Alex die!"

I found my feet moving my body forward as I reached out to comfort her.Before I could make contact with her skin, she sharply raised her hand, warding me off.

"Don't… please!Just listen to me.Max loves you.He always has, and he always will."

"He's with Tess now…" her name tasted like bile in my mouth.

"That's wrong… he see it now.Hell!She sees it now.You know things have been wrong for a long time.I can see it in your eyes."

"What I think and what's actually true are two different things, Isabel.Destiny is being served," I turned away, unable to meet her sad expression any longer.

Her voice spiked in anger."That's bull and you know it is, Liz!You know it!"

My back to her, she took this opportunity to leave.I listened to her footsteps fade away, and eventually heard the back door swish shut.Once I was sure she was gone, I turned to make the trip up to my room.Once more a person stopped me in my path, though this time I was frozen in terror.

"Nicolas!" I exclaimed, the air whooshing out of my lungs.

***


	6. Of Which Reason Knows Nothing

Title: The Dark Apology Author: Maea MacDermod Email: maeve_aislinn@yahoo.com; feedback is like a drug to me! Please, feed the monkey! Rating: PG Disclaimer: "Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers." - Erik Pepke (but just in case... Don't sue me, please!) Spoilers: So anything including and prior to Heart of Mine is fair game. Summary: This story is my thoughts for the episode after Heart of Mine... I'm an unspoiled Roswellian, so it's all speculation based on CYN's preview. Category: General Distribution: Want it? Take it... just let me know!  
  
*** "Destiny is but a phrase of the weak human heart - the dark apology for every error. The strong and virtuous admit no destiny."  
  
Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton (1803-73) ***  
  
"Nicolas!" I exclaimed, the air whooshing out of my lungs.  
  
He stood there, the appearance of a young, innocent boy, though his expression proved he was so much more than that. A sanctimonious leer was pasted on his lips.  
  
"Surprise." He raised his hard and suddenly I was shackled. "I think we need to spend more time together, Miss Parker." He circled me like a predator would his prey, my skin crawling as I could almost feel his hungry eyes on my body.  
  
"I'll scream..." I warned.  
  
"Oh... my dear... we both know that if you do, people will die - starting with your blonde friend with the lips... Maria, is it? Oh, that girl would give my husk a run for its money," he said wistfully, then got back to business. "And I wouldn't stop there. Next will be your parents - Jeff and Nancy... then the diligent Sheriff Valenti and son... and what about your fourth grade science teacher... Mr. Eversole? He was your favorite, wasn't he? I'd kill him too, just for fun. So you see, Liz... can I call you Liz?"  
  
"Go to Hell!" I growled.  
  
"Ah... cute. Anyway, Liz... I think you're smarter than the average slack- jawed human... too smart to even think about screaming." Nicolas continued, leaning in close to whisper in my ear. I shuddered at the nearness of the alien. "So let's go somewhere a little more private so we can get in some good girl talk, mm'kay?"  
  
I obediently followed him out the same door Isabel exited from just a few minutes earlier, and we climbed into a waiting car. As I settled into the spacious back seat of the black sedan, Nicolas caressed the nape of my neck, and that was my last conscious memory of the ride.  
  
ACROSS TOWN  
  
Maria finished the last coat of passion pink nail polish on her now perfectly manicured toes, just as her cell phone rang.  
  
"Thank God I did my fingers first..." she mumbled as she stretched to get the singing Nokia. "DeLuca's House of Nails?"  
  
"Maria - It's Max, uh. future Max."  
  
"Hey! What's up-" she started cheerfully, then faltered. "Why are you calling here? What's wrong?"  
  
His voice had the same similarities as young Max when he was tense. "Nicolas has Liz..."  
  
Maria could feel her heart begin to race. "This is not good, Max! What are-"  
  
"You need to get me - the younger me... Have him go to the old Reservation Bingo hall just outside of town. I followed them there."  
  
"What are you going to do?"  
  
He paused. "What can I do? Nicolas can't know I'm here, and if the younger me sees me-"  
  
"Here's an idea, Max... Kill Nicolas. Then it won't matter what the hell he sees. If anything happens to Liz-"  
  
"I won't let it. Just get young Max out here, Maria... and Maria - if something goes wrong... there's something at the Tumbleweed Inn room 12 that I need you to take care of, okay?"  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Just promise me!"  
  
"I promise."  
  
There were no goodbyes, no encouraging words. Future Max simply cut the phone off.  
  
Maria quickly dialed the Evans' house, and was dismayed at hearing a busy signal. "Who in this day and age doesn't have call waiting!?" She crossed the room and pushed her feet into a pair of tennis shoes, feeling her freshly painted nails smear over the inside of the canvas. "Oh, you owe me big time for this..." she spoke aloud, to no one in particular.  
  
***  
  
I awoke in a musty warehouse styled building, propped in an old wooden chair and chained to a ceiling support, my arms stretched uncomfortably above my head. My head felt groggy, the effects of the Skin knockout lingering behind.  
  
"Finally..." an all too familiar voice spoke to the left of me, and I turned my head towards the source of the voice. "I thought you were going to miss out on all the fun."  
  
"What do you want from me?" I hated the weakness in my tone, hated feeling helpless.  
  
"What do I want? It's more what I need." Nicolas circled the chair I was sitting on, and then kicked it out from under me, forcing me to stand upright quickly. "I need information, Liz. I need to know where the Granolith is... and I need to know what's so special about little Lizzie Parker."  
  
"What do you mean?" I was struggling to stand, pain shooting in my arms.  
  
He smirked. "My plan was flawless - Divide and conquer. Take away the unity of the Royal Four and destroy them. But they had their human cohorts... the king had you... so I had to up the ante a bit. Utilize some good old fashioned mind control."  
  
"You've been mind warping us all?" I endeavored to grasp what he was telling me. Isabel was right all along... something was wrong.  
  
"Feeling overwhelmed?" The boy-leader lifted my chin with his finger. "Confused? Manipulated... puppet-like?"  
  
"Evil Bastard!" I spat in his face, jerking my head away from his contact.  
  
"Oh," he smiled, "It's nice to see you recognize talent. Don't Parker. Don't feel all those things... all those useless human emotions. You haven't been controlled like the rest."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You haven't been... we couldn't... however you want to phrase it." Nicolas reached out again, this time to caress my cheek, and when I attempted once more to pull away, he grasped my face with both hands, forcing me to meet his eyes... his evil black eyes with no soul. I can't believe I never noticed that in Copper Summit.  
  
His diatribe continued. "You see, there's something about you that resists us... a natural wall to our powers, and I don't like that. I had my best people working on you and they failed. My plan was still the same - divide and conquer... but the means just had to be altered."  
  
Still holding my head, he tapped one index finger against my temple, blocking out my vision of him and replacing it with a street scene. Alex and Isabel - the same scenario that has been plaguing me for nearly a week.  
  
Nicolas's voice droned on over the laughter of the teens. "You see, Liz, we've been watching you for a long time - all of you. I watched as Vilondra became closer to your little friend... and his protective tendencies did not go unnoticed. The boy lived in the fantasy world that the hero got the girl... but in this case the hero ended up dead, didn't he?"  
  
More of the scene played on. The assassin stepping out from the shadows, Isabel writhing in pain, Alex pushing her out of the way. It was almost exactly as I imagined it happened; only this time I felt it. I experienced every excruciating moment of agony as Alex died at the hands of the Skin. Every second of his death replayed through my own nerve pain receptors, and I could not contain my screams.  
  
"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO! NNNNUUUUHHHH-" red flashed behind my closed eyes, as it felt like my heart exploded. "OH GOD - OH GOD!" I whimpered, slumping forward, my arms still chained above. I opened my eyes and found Nicolas crouching at face level.  
  
"God can't help you now, Liz."  
  
It was a struggle to draw the air in my lungs. "I don't understand... what... what does all this have to do with me?"  
  
"You're smarter than this - I can't believe you haven't figured it out yet. You were too strong. We could control everyone, except you and when they came near you, we even lost our influence of the others. You were the key to the whole plan. Divide you from the Royals and it would just be a matter of time before we could overtake them..."  
  
"So you killed Alex to distance me from the others?" The revelation came to me, but I was too numb to process it. "You murdered my friend?"  
  
"Genius, huh?" The teen boy grinned, an expression of smugness overtaking his features. "With the chasm separating you all, Max did the deed with his Queen and the engineered alien illness that Lonnie implanted in Tess was activated... but what I don't understand is how you knew to heal her. Yet another enigma with your name attached. So go ahead... tell me all you know."  
  
My legs strengthened and I was once more able to support my body upright. "I'll die before I tell you anything."  
  
"Of course you're going to die, Liz... but I can decide the level of torture you will go through before you do... the more you tell, the less it will hurt." He raised his hand, palm out, two fingers together. "Boy Scout promise."  
  
I averted my gaze and focused on a far wall. "No? Too hard of a question? Let's start with something easier, then. Where's the Granolith?" Nicolas's outstretched hand clutched the top of my head, and I could feel him try to shuffle through my memories.  
  
FLASH: Kindergarten in my cupcake dress: "My God! That's one hideous dress."  
  
FLASH: Grandma Claudia bandaging a scrape on my knee after I fell off my first bike: "Claudia Parker was your grandmother? Loved her research on the Navajo's. Totally wrong, but great storytelling of a looney old bag."  
  
FLASH: Sean DeLuca and I sliding at the bowling alley on prom night: "You do realize it's for the best you have no real feelings for that boy. He's not good for you... not strong enough."  
  
His snide commentaries about my life's memories were making it hard for me to continue my fight.  
  
FLASH: Alex on the pavement.  
  
FLASH: Max being tortured by Pierce.  
  
Nicolas adjusted his grip on my skull. "The Granolith, dammit! I'm getting impatient." His invasion into my memories intensified.  
  
"STOP IT! AHHHHH!! AHHHHH!!" The pain was amplified as I tried to throw the more meaningless details of my life at him.  
  
Suddenly, the alien's contact with me with ripped away. I opened my bleary, tear-filled eyes to a sight I never expected to see. Future Max held the young boy at bay on the grimy warehouse floor.  
  
"You. Stay. Away. From. My. Wife." He said through clenched teeth.  
  
A burst of energy from Nicolas sent the future hybrid hurtling through the air.  
  
"Max!" I called out, in concern.  
  
"Well, I'll be - the big, bad King actually taught our old Granolith a new trick... very clever. Let me guess - needed a lot of help from the little woman?"  
  
Max backed away, warily assessing his surroundings. "You know, little boy... you're awfully concerned about my being king. Throne envy? Tough life at home being the court jester?" A surge of power came at Max, but he placed a shield in its way to protect himself.  
  
"I'll have you know, your Lowness, that I was a valued member of Kivar's cabinet! His trusted second."  
  
"Hmmm - okay... so this is all a cruel joke then, Nicky? Getting sent to Earth for fifty plus years in the body of a child?"  
  
From my vantage point, I could practically see the anger emanating from the young boy. "SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!" He fired another bolt at his tormentor, but this time the shield deflected it instead of absorbed it. The red glow of energy struck its original source, wounding Nicolas. My shackles dissolved and I dropped to the floor, finally free.  
  
I gasped as I hit the floor, the sudden release of pressure to my arms a welcome sensation. I glanced up from my hunched position on the ground to meet Future Max's eyes. There was such genuine concern in them that it almost took my breath away. "Finish this..." I mouthed to him, and Max nodded, understanding what I meant. He focused back on his foe.  
  
"NICOLAS!" Max's voice boomed. "Just accept it, you're hurt now. There's no way you can win!"  
  
My eyes searched the darkened warehouse, but I had lost track of the skin in the shadows. From the expression on Max's face, he had the same problem.  
  
Suddenly, the young boy jumped onto Max's back, wrapping his arm around the elder man's neck. "Not so mouthy anymore, Max, are we?" My love gasped for air. "I wanted the joy of killing you on our planet, but Kivar pulled rank. I was stuck dispatching your bungling second... there was really no skill involved in that. No challenge. This will be so much sweeter..." Max fell to his knees.  
  
As I watched helplessly, Nicolas drew a short dagger and prepared to plunge it into Max's back. Quickly, I pushed myself upright, and charged at the two of them. I struck the duo with all my might, forcing them to separate. The Skin was thrown to one side into the chair I was sitting on earlier and shattered it, while Max was knocked behind a pile of wooden crates.  
  
Nicolas roared, and angrily charged at me... his evil eyes full of murderous intent, but he was never able to connect with me. Another body intersected the boy, and for a moment I expected it to be Future Max, but it was not. Present Max rolled to the side, springing to his feet to prepare for Nicolas's next attack.  
  
"Oh! To think that I can kill you both is like a pure dream to me!" he exclaimed.  
  
Though Max did not understand the reference, he assumed that I was the other part of 'both'. "You will not touch her!"  
  
The room lit up as the two enemies fired energy blasts at each other. Fear trembled through my body each time Nicolas's shots surged towards Max, but the younger King was holding his own just as well as the older one was.  
  
Speaking of Future Max, where is he? I took my attention from the battle in front of me and strained to search the shadows near where he fell. I was able to see a faint outline of his prone body behind a stack of wooden crates, and wondered if I should risk going to check on him. Then, to my horror, a stray blast strafed to that area and shards of wood rained down onto him, burying him in the debris. My heart raced, panicked as I thought of how injured Future Max could be, but a glance back to the battle told me that present Max needed me more.  
  
Nicolas stood over him, a smug expression crossing his face, and his outstretched palm only inches from Max's head. "This victory is going to be so sweet! I'll get you all out of my way and then there will be no one to stand in the way Kivar's soldiers. And then I will finally be able to go home!" The boy grabbed Max's skull roughly, trying to make a connection, the intense pain making the hybrid scream. "Just let it go, Maxy... Tell me about the Granolith and I might go easy on your woman." Max still resisted. "Fine... This is what I plan on doing to Liz after I kill you..." From the pained expression on his face, I assume that the Skin was implanting visions from his own head into Max's.  
  
"AHHHH! YOU STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!" he shrieked.  
  
The boy stood hunched over Max, concentrating with his eyes closed. "Oh YEAH! That's gonna be fun for me... And then... Ouch! That's gonna leave a mark on her perfect skin..."  
  
I couldn't stand to hear Max in so much pain... Oh God... I still love him. After all this, and all the hate in my heart from Alex's death, I still love Max. This revelation was dizzying and combined with the moans from my love, I thought I might pass out. 'NO! Be strong, Parker!' I mumbled under my breath.  
  
Glancing to my side, I saw salvation. The broken, splintered back of the chair I was propped in earlier was within arms reach. Gathering my strength, I grabbed it.  
  
Max now had tears streaming involuntarily from behind his closed eyes. "Give up yet, Your Highness?" Nicolas mocked. "I need the Granolith. Just tell me and Liz will die easy..."  
  
There was a moment of complete silence in the warehouse, but then Max's eyelids snapped open revealing his intense chocolaty eyes and a satisfied grin broke on his lips. "NO! She won't..."  
  
Confusion at his prisoner's change in attitude was clear on Nicolas' face and I took the opportunity to put my plan in action. "Wha-"  
  
Before he could finish his thought, I swung the heavy chair piece at Nicolas and hit him firmly in the lower back. He turned to me dread filling his eyes. "YOU BITCH!" Then he exploded into a million pieces of dust.  
  
"It's nice to see you recognize talent, Nicolas..." I said, echoing his earlier words.  
  
Max struggled to his feet and rushed to my side. "Liz... Liz..."  
  
I broke down, "He killed Alex because of me... because I couldn't be mindwarped. This is all my fault..."  
  
"No! Don't think that. He was a monster... you can't be responsible. You're *not* responsible!"  
  
"All this time I've blamed you. I'm sorry..." I brushed my fingers against his wet cheeks, and realized that the moisture was not all from tears. He had a small gash in his forehead that was bleeding. "You're hurt..." My hands tingled and I felt the impulse to touch the cut. It healed instantly.  
  
"How?" he asked, amazed.  
  
"I don't..." then I remembered. Future Max! I started searching around the area. "Where is he? WHERE?"  
  
"Liz? He's gone... you killed him," he answered thinking I meant Nicolas.  
  
I ran to the pile of crates where I saw him last and began tossing pieces aside, not caring that my hands were getting cut. Now they just matched my raw wrists. I finally saw the floor and Future Max was gone. Did he disappear? I had to find out.  
  
The younger Max was at my side trying to understand. "Liz? What's wrong? You're hurting yourself... stop!" He grabbed my hands.  
  
"There's somewhere I have to go, Max," I said, staring into his eyes.  
  
Without hesitation, "I'll drive you."  
  
"I need to go alone. I'm sorry... but I promise to tell you everything when I get back. I promise."  
  
He handed me the keys to his Jeep. "Michael and Isabel are on the way. They can take me home."  
  
"Max..." Tell him! Tell him you love him! I couldn't, not yet.  
  
"I know..."  
  
One last look at him and I ran from the warehouse to the waiting Jeep outside. I had to get to the motel to see if he was still there.  
  
***  
  
He opened the door before I even knocked, his appearance ragged and disheveled. Almost in the same spot as younger Max, there was a gash in his forehead.  
  
I rushed into his waiting arms, secure in their warmth. "I want to go with you. Where ever you go, I want to be there."  
  
Max raised my chin, "You're needed here. He needs you."  
  
"But I want to be with you both. I want to watch my daughter grow."  
  
"The best thing you can do is stay with him. The future is changing. Remember what I told you last time?"  
  
"The future is to be determined," I said, allowing myself to be led into the room.  
  
"Right... you don't know what will happen, or won't if you leave." We both gazed at Gracie sleeping on the bed. "She could still be in your future."  
  
I touched his forehead, healing the blood encrusted cut. "Max is my future. I know it, but if I'm with him the world will end. It's so wrong."  
  
"Things are changing as we speak," he took my hands and covered the bloody palms with his own intending to heal them.  
  
I pulled away. "No. I want to remember this."  
  
He looked at me sternly. "Liz."  
  
Sighing, I submitted, and allowed him to stop the blood flow. "I'm going to leave your wrists for him."  
  
I was shocked. "But if he heals me, he'll know everything!"  
  
Max brushed his lips tenderly over mine, "Maybe it's time for him to know."  
  
"Can I... can I stay with you tonight?" I asked hesitantly. "I want one last night with my family."  
  
Without speaking, Max lifted me into his arms and gently laid me on the bed next to my daughter, and he spooned up next to me. I was in heaven. Gracie then cuddled up next to me as well. I drifted off to a deep sleep almost immediately.  
  
***  
  
Across town, Max sat on the dirty floor waiting for the rest of the group. He didn't have to wait long.  
  
Maria rushed in ahead of Michael and Isabel, panic flashing in her deep eyes. "Where is she?" She glanced around the room, her gaze resting on the pile of ash near the leader's feet. "Max? Tell me she's okay!"  
  
"She's fine." He blinked motioning towards the heap in front of him, "This is Nicolas. Liz killed him."  
  
All three breathed a sigh of relief. "Where is she, Maxwell?" Michael questioned, raising his eyebrows and wrapping a comforting arm around his girlfriend.  
  
The young King shrugged. "I don't know. She started freaking out about something and then ran off saying she'd tell me everything soon. I gave her the Jeep, and I couldn't follow.  
  
"Where could she have gone?"  
  
"Like I said, Iz... I don't know!" He answered exasperated.  
  
The aliens turned to Maria.  
  
"Why do you assume *I* know where she is?" No response, they just continued to stare. "FINE!! She's probably at the Tumbleweed... room 12, but if anyone asks, I didn't tell you!"  
  
The questions poured from the other teens.  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"What's Liz doing there?"  
  
"Who else would ask?"  
  
She simply made the motion of locking her full lips with an imaginary key. Max looked intently at her for a moment, and then spoke, his tone urgent.  
  
"Take me there."  
  
***  
  
When I awoke, the room was dark and empty. Leaning over to the light, I snapped it on, my eyes pained in the sudden glaring light. A note sat on the pillow where Future Max rested, a dent still marking the place where his head laid, the scrawling handwriting as familiar to me as my own.  
  
::Dear Liz,  
  
There are so many things I wanted to tell you... how much I love you, how much being your husband meant to me... how thankful I am to you for giving me Gracie. I am grateful for everything that you've meant to me. It's obvious now that we are not going to fade away again... that we're meant to live in this world. Gracie is being given another chance at a life; I can only hope that this time it will be more normal than the last. My biggest regret is that she will not know her mother, only what I can tell her about the bravest, most beautiful woman I ever met.  
  
Your role now is to make this world a safe place for her and I have all the faith that you will. You have the strength of a thousand warriors. That is something that will never stop to amaze me.  
  
Remember that in all the years that will pass from now, I will think of you every moment... and if one day we meet again, I will love you a hundred fold more then than I do now, if that is even possible.  
  
You are my everything...  
  
For all eternity,  
  
Max::  
  
Knowing he was gone was hard... but knowing he was out there somewhere was worse. I began to gather my things when a knock at the door startled me. I rushed over and pulled the door open swiftly. Present Max stood, stunned and unmoving on the other side.  
  
He met my eyes, and I watched a single tear streak down his cheek, and that broke me. I fell into his arms.  
  
"I love you, Liz. I do... nothing that happened with Tess can change that." Max kissed my forehead. "I love you!"  
  
I stepped back for a moment. "Why?" I questioned. "Why do you love me? You're not supposed to."  
  
"Do you remember in Freshman English... when Mrs. Mathis used to make us read the quotes all the time?" I nodded somberly. "I remember on your day you got up in front of the class and read one, and it really hit me. Do you remember it?"  
  
I thought a moment. "No," I said sadly. "I wish I could."  
  
"It's okay. I'll remember it for the both of us. 'The heart has it reasons, of which reason knows nothing.'"  
  
"Blaise Pascal... I remember now. I loved that quote."  
  
He smiled lightly. "I don't know why I love you, and I don't want to know. I just do, and that's enough for me."  
  
I allowed him to gather me into his arms once more. "Will you love me forever?" I asked, pressing my ear to his chest, comfortable in listening to his heartbeat.  
  
"For all eternity, Liz... All eternity." This time he backed away from me, the break in contact hurting me. "I'll wait for you in the Jeep... when you're ready to come home, I'll be waiting."  
  
Turning to survey the room, I noticed a bit of purple fuzz sticking out from under Gracie's pillow... a slight tug on the object uncovered the faded old teddy she slept with every night. A secret smile crossed my lips, knowing she left this treasure for me. Stuck to it's right paw was a crayon drawing of my daughter's family. Me, Max, her, Alex, Isabel, Michael and Maria... all in a row... all with big smiles. Even in a child who survived the end of the world, happiness still dwelled. Maybe the future won't be so bleak after all.  
  
I stuffed the bear, Max's note and Gracie's drawing into my coat pockets and ran out to the Jeep where my soul mate sat patiently, waiting. A grin broke out on his face as I fell across his lap. "You are my home, Max! I love you... for all eternity."  
  
After a lengthy kiss, I finally settled into my seat as he started the engine, and we roared off towards Roswell... towards the rest of our lives. and all I could wonder was: What would Tess think about all this? 


End file.
